


The endless void

by KesoKeos



Series: Keso’s Haikyuu One Shots [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, he’s sad tho, lonely kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25914772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KesoKeos/pseuds/KesoKeos
Summary: Tetsurou heard his phone ring, and he didn’t answer. It wasn’t like anyone needed him, anyway.Or, at least, that’s what he thought.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: Keso’s Haikyuu One Shots [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832602
Comments: 6
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was really self indulgent, I’m not gonna lie, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

Despite the way he carried himself, and even though he seemed to be frequently surrounded by people, Kuroo Tetsurou was actually quite lonely. Perhaps it was because he and his friends were older and in their mid twenties now, and because many of his friends were in relationships, but he found himself drifting away from the people he’d once been so close with. 

He’d always been a naturally affectionate person, one who thrived off spending time with friends, and it wasn’t often that he spent time alone. Nowadays that seemed to be the case more and more often, and he wouldn’t lie to himself that it hurt a lot to watch as his friends enjoyed themselves and their relationships while he was left behind. 

Kuroo would and had, however, deny that he was lonely and hurting to any one of his friends if they asked. 

He didn’t want to be a bother to any of them when they were obviously happy and enjoying life without him around. Tetsurou had always put too much of his heart into friendships, giving and giving and never getting much back in return. Numerous hours being the support pillars for each of them as they struggled through heartbreak and stress and the hurt of life, yet never receiving that same support in return. Hell, he was the reason most of his friends had finally gotten together; Kuroo watched them all pine after each other for so long, watched them all fall in love and listened to them speak about their undying love. He only had himself to blame, he supposed, because now they were all in love and happy and had moved on from needing him. 

It was selfish and wrong of him, Tetsurou knew that. He knew he should be happy for them, that he shouldn’t be so jealous of their joy, but each time he spent hanging around Bokuto and Akaashi, or Kenma and Hinata, or Daichi and Sugawara, or Oikawa and Iwaizumi... he couldn’t help but feel that way, and like he didn’t belong anymore. Tetsurou wasn’t a necessary part of their lives, they were flourishing and going further than they could without him bothering them. 

These feelings had been growing and building for years now — since he was in highschool, and he was twenty five now — and there was no way he was going to break and spill them after so long. And so, as the months went by, he slowly began to distance himself from them. It was clear to him for a long time that they didn’t need him around, but they were kind people; Tetsurou knew they wouldn’t just toss him aside straight away, they wouldn’t want to be that cruel. He knew they wouldn’t tell him straight to his face that he was an annoyance, that whenever they hung out he just ruined it because they wouldn’t be able to spend as much time together. Every time they asked him to hang out, he saw the way they looked at him, like they were silently pleading him to decline. Maybe it was his imagination, a result of the fear of abandonment, the eternal loneliness, the stress of work recently, or the lack of sleep, but even if that was the case and it was all in his head, there was no way he would risk burdening them with his pathetic issues.

Kuroo knew his mask was impeccable, that he could hide his emotions behind a smile better than anyone else. How else would he have known how to help everyone else who tried to hide how they felt when they struggled, but because he too was suffering? But his struggles weren’t worth sharing and tainting his friends’ happiness. If he would be the reason they stopped smiling, if him telling them his feelings meant that they were stressed and upset, Kuroo wouldn’t forgive himself. It was better just to hide how he felt, like he had always done, because opening up would only bring them all pain and guilt and that was what he didn’t want. The whole situation was one only he knew of, one only he was struggling with, which meant that Tetsurou was the issue, not Bokuto, not Kenma, not Akaashi. 

There was only one reason he hadn’t completely broken things off and left them to live their lives, and that was because he was still selfish. Tetsurou still wanted to see their happiness for a little longer, and so he resigned himself to pushing through from the sidelines until they were truly ready to move on without him. That was what he was doing now, lying on the floor in his living room and listening to the sound of the rain outside. He had things that he needed to do, but Kuroo lacked the energy to move from where he was. After so long of emotional exhaustion and pushing through, all the times he told himself ‘I’m fine’ and ‘you’re just being a baby’, he had finally reached his limit. The world seemed bleak all the time, and even volleyball didn’t bring him any joy anymore. Getting out of bed was a chore, not because he liked sleeping (since he rarely got enough sleep) but simply because it meant he had to start his day, and that was even more exhausting than wasting away the hours, waiting for a call.

He believed now it was finally almost time to make his move, to let them all go. That was what had been plaguing his mind all day, what Tetsurou had been thinking about as the world moved around him. 

It was physically easy to take action, he knew it would be. It wasn’t hard to change the locks on his apartment so the keys he’d given his friends years ago wouldn’t fit. He could block their numbers, unfollow and block them on his social media, and resign himself to staying inside his apartment aside from heading to his job at the convenience store — the night shift, not that anyone asked — that none of them knew about. But Kuroo wasn’t able to do that, as much as he was convinced it would be for the best if he wasn’t around and ruining their lives.

Mentally, it was much harder for Tetsurou to process that he wouldn’t get to see them anymore if he broke it off. Tetsurou had seen what love caused people to do, the lengths they would go to, and though it wasn’t romantic feelings he experienced, he was no different. To him, it would be his final act of love for them, that he would leave them be for good, so that they could all be happy. 

How long would it take them to even notice what he’d done? Would they care at all? He imagined their relieved faces, their laughter in celebration as they went on another group date, and that was enough to cause a sob to escape his lips.

There was only one person he still had left in his life now, though the issue of Tsukishima Kei and his feelings was another one entirely. The blond still lived in Miyagi, hours away, but that was exactly why Tetsurou hadn’t broken things off with him. They talked on a daily basis, even only for a few minutes, and it was one of the only things that brought joy to Kuroo anymore. Kei didn’t have to deal with how annoying he was in person, and Kuroo didn’t have to try so hard to conceal how much he’d degraded. He actually found himself feeling genuinely happy during their conversations, without having to put on a mask, he just felt at ease. He could fool himself, that maybe there was some sort of hope for his future, someone out there that would stick around when everyone else didn’t.

Kuroo was in love with the blond, and the prospect of a life with Kei by his side actually sounded nice. He imagined waking up next to him, making breakfast while the taller made them coffee, having someone actually see who he was and care for him despite his flaws. Yet, as much as he hoped and dreamed about it, Tetsurou knew that the chances of Tsukishima actually liking him back were extremely low, and he understood why completely. What was there to like, anyway?

The thought of that sent the tears flowing out uncontrollably, and the raven was helpless against his own emotions. When was the last time he’d eaten? He just wasn’t hungry anymore; he never went out and he stayed still most of the day, meaning his body didn’t need the same amount of energy as it usually did. A week had already passed since he’d seen any of his old friends, and Kuroo hadn’t expected the complete lack of any social interaction to be so taxing on him. He thrived off people, he was affectionate, and even the little he’d had before was sustaining him. Now, he had nothing, and he was even more worn out. 

If they had tried to call him — they hadn’t, he checked his phone constantly for any sign that they did actually care — he was either passed out in bed, too exhausted to wake even from a banging on the door, or at work. He missed them all so much, Bokuto’s cheerfulness and bright smile, Akaashi’s gentle and caring nature, Kenma’s attitude and strangely wonderful humour, Oikawa’s alien theories and fashion advice, but there was no going back now. He left them, and even if there had been some sort of salvageable relationship before, he surely ruined it by what he’d done. Tetsurou knew it was for the better that he broke things off now; if he had to explain where he’d been, they would see how pathetic he really was, and then they definitely wouldn’t want him because of that. 

Even Tsukishima hadn’t called or messaged as often in the last few days, and that presence, although digital, was sorely missed. By now, Tetsurou was certain there was nothing that could fill the coldness and the emptiness in his heart, because he truly believed nobody would want to waste their time with him. 

His body ached from lying on the floor, his stomach stabbing and growling in its desperation for food, and the tears stung at his eyes. They always stung, but today it was so much worse. Physically he felt so many different variations of pain and suffering, but his heart was empty, and endless void of loneliness. He was longing to be loved, to have the warmth of care from at least one person, but that sort of life was a distant memory. 

Kuroo Tetsurou heard his phone ring, and he didn’t answer. They didn’t need him, anyway.


	2. The exit from the void

Even within his distorted sense of time, Tetsurou was pretty certain he had work. The light from outside was quickly dissipating, meaning his shift would start very soon. If he could move from the floor, he probably would have, but there seemed to be no energy left in his body for that. How long it had been since he’d started crying earlier, he didn’t know. Minutes felt like hours and hours felt like minutes, he couldn’t tell how long had passed without looking at a clock. It was pathetic — he knew it was — to have let himself degrade this far, but there was nothing he could do to stop what was happening.

The constant fear and hurt he experienced during the waking hours weren’t gone as he slept, plaguing him through nightmares and warped memories, often sending him into fits of shaking and tears that left him even more exhausted than he had been before sleeping. He knew he would be much worse off if he stayed where he was, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do anything. Freedom from the suffering, to no longer feel so numb and empty and force himself to continue — it all sounded really nice from within his clouded mind. And besides, now there was nothing he could do to stop this from happening, not on his own at least, and there was nobody else around to save him.

For about the fourth time that evening, his phone rang, and once again Tetsurou ignored it. Tried to, at least, the sound filling the apartment and echoing around in his head long after it had silenced. The questions as to who it was filled his mind, wondering who it was that actually was bothering with him, wondering if it was Kei or someone else wanting something from him. Deep down he had given up caring about who, though, and just wondering why. It didn’t matter who was calling, he just wanted to know why they would waste their time ringing him up when they could be out doing something or talking to someone who was actually worth talking to. He was nothing, and nobody needed him. Not even Tsukishima needed Kuroo; he hadn’t called or texted in a few days and probably had seen the same thing as everyone else had, finally realised how much of a bother he was. 

The thought hurt, and it hurt badly. He did love Kei, and for so long was glad he had the blond there even when they lived so far away, knowing he at least had a friend who didn’t mind talking to him. Even just these few days of silence had been enough to cause him to lose that hope he had. There was an ache in his chest as he thought of Tsukishima and wondered what he was doing, whether he was doing alright. Tetsurou had been the one to help Kei when he was struggling with stress and severely low self esteem, talking to him and forcing his way into his life. He never admitted it, but Kuroo needed Kei just as much as the other had needed his help. Now though, they were both adults and he wasn’t needed anymore, he didn’t have a use. 

He was just taking Tsukishima away from time he could be spending with his friends and family, potentially a lover that the blond might have, and perhaps it was for the best that they didn’t talk anymore. Tetsurou was only worth something when he could help someone, when he had a purpose, and otherwise he was a waste of space, a burden, an annoyance to have around. He knew it was hypocritical, to tell others they weren’t worthless and make sure they were taking care of themselves while he himself was doing the opposite. The saying goes, ‘practice what you preach’, and to the outside world that was what he did. His mask was built carefully, it had been for years, but a mask can’t last forever. Now, it was finally beginning to crack, and Kuroo didn’t try and prevent that from happening. Nobody needed him, so he wouldn’t have to pretend his life was together, that he was happy when he wasn’t, that everything was right. There was no need to hide anything when there was nobody around to see any of it. Though he needed his friends now more than ever, they didn’t need him and so had no reason to stick around. 

Kuroo Tetsurou wasn’t worth sticking around for, he didn’t deserve to be happy, he didn’t deserve friends or to have someone that cared about him, because if they stuck around, in the end he would only make them sad. He would be useful for a while, make them happy for a while and help them through the rough times, and then when they were happy they could dispose of him before he ruined it. His time and energy had been used, he had given his all to everyone and made sure they were happy, and now he was nothing. Now, he was worthless.

His body began to shake once more, and with the last of his strength he rolled onto his side, curling in onto himself and beginning to cry once more. His sobs were barely audible, sounding more like quiet gasps for breath that were overshadowed by his whines and groans of pain. It all hurt so much, he was so tired and hungry and his throat was dry. Nobody wanted to see him, especially not when he was in a state like this, and he supposed that the light knocking on the door was simply the manifestation of the loneliness and desperation for someone, before he was beyond help. 

His eyelids felt heavy, and Kuroo tried desperately to stay awake, yet every waking moment made him feel more and more like he was going crazy. Tetsurou didn’t quite remember what was going on, it was all a blur to him. A few times he remembered waking and seeing Tsukishima, but only for a moment before his eyes fluttered shut and the sweet lull of dreamless sleep pulled him in once more. Even if it was just a figment of his imagination — Kei lived in Miyagi, and had no reason to be in Tokyo — the thought of the younger man’s presence was comforting. Tetsurou could fool himself, pretend that someone cared about him, even just for a little while. It’s what he’d been doing for years now, anyways.

x-X-x

When he finally woke up for more than a few seconds, it was light in the room. Gone was the rain from the day before, sunlight streaming in and bringing warmth along with it. It was the guest room he found himself in, rather clinical and bland in decor, but anything was better than the darkness and stale air of his bedroom. 

Tetsurou carefully shuffled to be sitting up, still feeling quite weak even after resting as a result of the hunger that still stabbed painfully in his stomach. After adjusting the pillows to be providing a comfortable place to rest his back and head, he rested back, sighing softly and attempting to pull up the blankets to cover him even as he sat up. It was useless, the sheets and blankets tucked in to the end of the bed and making it difficult for him to pull up to cover his body, not that they were particularly warm anyways. How he had gotten there, he didn’t remember, nor did he understand why anyone would bother to visit.

His heart clenched almost as painfully as the ache of hunger, and Tetsurou bit his bottom lip. The room wasn’t very warm, and he was starting to shiver more violently as the minutes progressed, especially since his body didn’t retain heat as well at the moment. It was worse as the door to the room opened and cool air from the hallway made its way inside, the goosebumps quite visible on his arms. As the door slid closed and someone entered, a soft whimper escaped his lips that he didn’t attempt to stifle, wrapping his arms around himself in a futile attempt to try and keep warm. It was a pathetic sight, Kuroo was pathetic, and he knew that. 

After a few soft and slow footsteps there was a quiet shuffling, and before Kuroo knew what was going, on the bed dipped. Tetsurou’s breath hitched as he felt someone tenderly wrap him in a fluffy blanket, and pull him into an embrace filled with the scent of coconut. “Tetsurou,” a gentle voice — Kei’s voice — said, the blond guiding the raven’s head to rest against his chest as he lightly stroked his hair.

It was so nice, Tetsurou thought, to be held close by the man he’d come to love, and it was as if the cold of the air disappeared in an instant. The ache in his chest seemed to be more prevalent than ever, now accompanied with a feeling of confusion, though that didn’t stop him from relaxing somewhat and leaning into the hug, not wanting to show his face anyways. “...Tsukishima-san? What are you doing here, bothering with someone worthless and annoying like me?” he muttered, words muffled against the soft material of the sweater Tsukishima was wearing. Kuroo hated how small his voice sounded as he said those words, how shaky and broken it was, how obvious it was that he felt that they were true, but he had already taken off his mask and didn’t know how to put it back on. 

“What the hell gave you that idea? Don’t be stupid, why wouldn’t I bother with you? You made your way into my life, and I consider you as someone important to me. It’s a long drive to Tokyo, and I’ve planned on coming down here to see you for a while. I don’t do that for people that are worthless, and especially not for people I find annoying. If I found you annoying, I would have blocked you a long time ago and never spoken to you again.”

Tetsurou shook his head, a choked sob that he had been holding back escaping his lips as he heard that. His hand clutched the front of Kei’s sweater, and he tried his best to stay calm and avoid breaking down completely despite being very close to it. “But I am annoying,” Kuroo whispered, biting his bottom lip and doing everything he could not to let the tears spill out and truly prove how weak he was. Kei’s hand continued to run through Tetsurou’s hair, the dark locks more greasy than usual after not being washed for a few days. While it did provide some sort of comfort to Kuroo, the older male still felt that any sort of care he received was undeserved and that made it hard to truly relax.

“Did someone tell you that, or is that just what you came up with in your head?” The words were stern, but not angry, and it cut through any of the negative thoughts that had built up in Kuroo’s mind. “Look, I don’t know what’s going through that head of yours, but I want to listen, Tetsurou, I want you to let me in. You’ve been there for me for a long time, and I should have said this a long time ago, but I’m here for you as well. But before we talk about anything, you need to eat and have a wash.” 

After hearing that, Tetsurou finally let himself relax fully and wrapped his arm loosely around Kei’s waist. It was much warmer in his embrace, and despite the air being cold, the blanket and warmth of the blond was more than enough to stop that being an issue. “I...okay. I’m afraid there isn’t much in terms of food that I have to offer, though.”

“I did see that, so I went out and got some more from the convenience store up the road last night while you were still asleep.” When Tsukishima noticed the way that Kuroo’s eyes widened, he sighed softly and held him a little closer so that he wouldn’t try to move just yet. “You don’t need to worry about work, Tetsurou. I overheard the store owner and one of the workers, and they were worried that their night shift guy hadn’t turned up, something about ‘Kuroo not looking very well recently’. I told them that you really weren’t well, which is why you hadn’t let them know, and that you’ll need a few days off. Your manager seemed to care a lot about your health, he had very high praise for you as an employee. Anyways, you go have a wash, and don’t you stress about anything. I’ll make something for breakfast in the meantime.”

“Thank you, Tsukishima-san,” he murmured halfheartedly, pulling away and slowly standing up. The blond made sure that he wouldn’t fall over when he did so, gaze calculating, yet holding some semblance of care beneath it.

There was something about Kuroo that just seemed so downtrodden and so full of sadness, even when Kei was right there with him and trying to help. He knew that this was probably how the raven had been on his own, and that he was only just now showing this side to other people—to Kei at least, even if it wasn’t all of this other friends—and it was difficult for him to see. Tsukishima hadn’t wanted to believe that Tetsurou could really be feeling this way, but now that he knew, the part of him that cared wouldn’t let him leave until he knew that he’d done something, anything, to help the raven. Before Tetsurou could wander off, he moved to place a hand gently on his arm to stop him from moving.

“Kei. If you’d prefer Tsukki or some other nickname like usual, that’s okay too, just don’t ever be so formal with me like that again.” The response was immediate—startled hazel eyes meeting honey brown—and Kuroo froze in his place. “You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? But we aren’t strangers, nor are we just acquaintances, or even just old rivals. It isn’t often that I consider myself close to people, but you are one of the few people that I would say I’m close with, one of the people I would trust with things that are going on in my life, and I do trust you. And because of that, and because of what you mean to me, it feels wrong when you call me ‘Tsukishima’, or use honourifics. Everyone calls me that, but you’re not just another person to me.”

It was a touch so tender, a voice that was caring in a way that Kuroo hadn’t heard in a long time. It brought him in, holding him in a warmth, but the cold was still bitter in his heart. The minute the hand was gone from his arm, Kuroo scurried away into the bathroom. It was irrational, but a part of him was scared of what Kei was telling him. He still didn’t understand how the blond wanted to be around, why Tsukishima had visited, why he even talked to him instead of blocking his number and ridding himself of Kuroo. 

The shower wasn’t very long; only a few minutes of lukewarm water and a quick wash of his hair and skin. Kuroo knew he probably still stunk, like the rest of the house, but that didn’t seem like the biggest problem. The words that Kei had told him hadn’t made any difference to how he felt, or at least one notable enough to the stabs of pain in his chest that clouded his thoughts in a murky fog of self hatred and doubt.

Even as he moved over to the table, he was languid in his movements, and Tetsurou had no doubt that he was doing a horrible job of hiding how he was feeling. How he’d done it all of those times, he didn’t know, but then again, Kei had this sort of effect on him. It was like he couldn’t look at him and hide the feelings building up inside. He might try and hide how he was feeling for a while, but in the end, if he was upset or annoyed at himself, there was no way he could withhold that for too long. The gaze the blond had, it wasn’t cruel or cold, but it wasn’t sympathetic or pitiful either. It was expectant, almost. Tsukishima looked at him in a way that made it clear he knew something was up and it was obvious he wasn’t going to stop waiting for Tetsurou to tell him.

Kuroo stayed silent as he ate the sandwich that he was given, trying his best not to spill with all of his thoughts over lunch. Thoughts echoed in his head such as ‘Kei spent time making that for you, so don’t waste more of his time with your stupid problems’, and it was hard for him to bring himself to share what was still swarming his mind. 

It wasn’t as if Tsukishima was the talkative type, either. He was patient, and he just let him eat in silence, glancing over at him every now and then as if to remind Kuroo that their conversation wasn’t done yet—it hadn’t even truly begun. Knowing that made it difficult to continue eating, and after about half of the sandwich was finished, he placed it back onto the plate, letting out a heavy sigh.

“I’ve felt this way for a while, believe it or not,” Kuroo began, his eyes trained on Tsukishima to watch for any signs of response. “I’ve… I’ve always been the one that everyone else has relied on. Whenever they have their problems with relationships or feel down, or are stressed, I’m usually the one they end up coming to. It should mean that they trust me, or consider me someone close enough to share those things with, and for a long time, that’s what it felt like. But then, we grew up. We weren’t teenagers anymore, and that meant we had to start acting like adults. Everyone seemed to be finding their way into relationships, going to college, getting jobs, that sort of thing. And ever since all of that happened…”

“Nobody seemed to need you anymore, right? And their time was always spent doing other things?” Kei asked, filling in the silence when the raven trailed off. The response was a nod, and the blond let out a heavy sigh. “Ah, I see.”

Kuroo nodded again, biting his lip and looking down. “It’s more than that, though. Maybe it’s just me being stupid-”

“You’re not stupid, Tetsurou.”

“Well, maybe it’s just me, but it’s felt like they’re drifting away from me. We don’t talk much over the phone, not a single person has tried to talk to me the past week aside from you, and in person… Bokuto is always with Akaashi, Yaku with Lev, Daichi with Sugawara, Oikawa with Iwaizumi, Kenma with Hinata… I’m always the one left out of things because they don’t have even numbers of people. And I know all of those guys, I have for years, and they wouldn’t just break things off—even if they were annoyed at me—they’re too kind for that. I couldn’t bring myself to tell them, because if they really felt that way, it would be too much. On the other hand, if I told them what I was feeling, and I was wrong, I was afraid that it would upset them and make them feel guilty. They’re good people, and I care about them, so I don’t want to see them upset if I can avoid it, and telling them all of this would just taint the happiness that they have at the moment. It’s pathetic, I know, but I figured they’d all be happier if I took the initiative and broke things off so they didn’t have to. These past few days, I thought you finally realised the same thing that they did, that I’m not worth having around. That’s why I was the way you found me.”

A few moments later, Kuroo let out a choked sob, shaking his head and looking down. There was silence for a while, before Tsukishima let out a sigh and walked around the table so he could sit down in the chair beside him. Slowly, he took one of Tetsurou’s hands in his, lacing their fingers and giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Tetsurou, look at me.”

Once again, the blond’s words were stern, but held an underlying tone of care. The older male found himself complying, looking into Tsukishima’s eyes and biting his lip. His honey-brown eyes were caring, and he gave an approving nod, once again squeezing Kuroo’s hand. 

“Tetsurou, listen to me, and listen well. You have no idea how valued you are to me, how much of an impact you’ve made on my life, and that’s mostly because I didn’t tell you even though that’s the way I felt. But, on the other hand, how can you assume what I think of you? You’re not me, even if you know me well, so you can’t assume the way I’m thinking. And so what if you can’t do anything else for me? It’s not about what you can do for me, or whether people need you. What you can do for others doesn’t determine your worth. People can exist without you, that’s the reality of it. Any person could be here one day, and be gone the next, and the people left behind have to learn to live without them. Friendships grow and change, people leave others behind and lose contact, and that sucks. It hurts like hell, and people aren’t going to find it easy to just accept that. I know how much you’re struggling with this, but you don’t need to find your worth in friendships or helping other people. Just because people haven’t talked to you in a while doesn’t mean that they don’t care, or that they don’t think about you. What they’re thinking is up to them, not up to you, so don’t put thoughts in your head that aren’t even theirs.

Stop acting like you have to do things to earn friendship, to make someone like you. Not everyone is going to be friends with you, and not everyone is going to make the effort to stick around. But you’re getting nowhere if you don’t even do anything to try and make a change, and that change has to start with you. It sounds harsh, but you have to fight a lot of this battle on your own. I can’t mend your relationships for you. I can’t be the one to baby you and guide you every step of the way. It’s your perspective that has to change. Nobody is calling you worthless, and nobody is calling you annoying. What makes you worthless? Because if you’re honest with yourself, I don’t think you can give a proper answer. I will be here to support you through this, to talk to you, but the ultimate change is the one you have to make deep down in here,” Kei said, resting his other hand on Kuroo’s heart. “Your heart is still beating, you’re still alive. Only you can decide how to live your life, but putting yourself down just so you can wallow in sadness isn’t going to get you anywhere. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t want to see you doing that to yourself either. I want to see you happy, truly happy, just like you wanted for me when I was going through things.” 

Once Kei was finished speaking, Kuroo remained silent, not quite sure how to respond to what he was just told. He knew that Tsukishima was right, deep down, even if it was difficult to accept what he had been told. “Kei, can we... is it alright if we hug again, like before?” he asked, voice barely a whisper as he looked away. It was a lot to take in, and a lot to think about, and being alone while he did that just seemed wrong.

A moment later, there was the warmth of a hand on his cheek, and Kuroo found his head being tilted so he was looking back at the blond. Tsukishima was smiling a little, and he nodded, lightly stroking his thumb across Kuroo’s cheek. “Sure, if that’s going to help, but only on the condition that you finish your sandwich first. Don’t expect it to happen too often, though, I don’t just give hugs out to anyone.”

“Thank you, for everything,” Kuroo replied quietly, a smile making its way to his face, along with a soft blush. “I’ll finish it, don’t worry. Besides, I wouldn’t want to waste something you made especially for me.” 

Seeing Kei blush a little as well, the dark haired male couldn’t help but brighten a bit more, and he picked up the other half of the sandwich. His heart still hurt, things weren’t all immediately better, but no longer did it feel like he was in an endless void of suffering. And if little while later (after they finished cuddling), Tsukishima smiled when he watched Kuroo pick up the phone, Tetsurou didn’t say a word about it, only smiling a little in return as if to thank him. It would take some time, but things would get better, they both knew it would.


End file.
